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Meeting Brenda

Hey there, intrepid followers!  Happy New Year!  Well, a lot has changed for me last year, the biggest thing being my wedding in December in Arizona (wow!).  I found my soulmate, my amazing other half, the person with whom I’m dedicating the rest of my life.  We had a fantastic courtship and wedding.  As part of one of the pictures (I play with GIMP now), I made it look like newsprint and left a few people wanting to read the ‘rest of the story’… so here is the rest of the story!


It was a bit of a warm day in May when I pulled into a Wendy’s parking lot.  Now, I was there because I generally take the kids to dinner before I take the kids back to their mother’s house.  We were at Wendy’s because it was my son’s turn to pick which restaurant to eat at (he almost always chose McDonald’s… but not this time… for whatever reason).  As we entered the restaurant, I did notice a blonde sitting down eating alone… and she was cute.  Alex and Megan and I sat down and began to enjoy our meal.  As a matter of principle, I don’t ‘pick up women’ with my kids in tow.  This time, however, I was talking a little louder than was needed (not so loud as to be obnoxious (like Loud Dave), but loud enough to be overheard by the next table over where this pretty blonde was sitting).  I was saying things like, ‘When I get you back to your mother’s house, then you can…’ and such. Giving the impression that their mother and I didn’t live together.

It worked!  She came over and talked to us for a few minutes, made some small talk, but I didn’t make my move then (but I could have… I was just chicken).  Then, the moment I dreaded came… she got up and began to leave the restaurant.  Oh no!  I have to make my move now or be done.  Now, I’m not one to just walk up to people I don’t know and ask them out… but I’d have to be if I wanted to ask this one out.  I followed her out… but at the last minute, lost my nerve and went to the men’s room.

Oh, how does this story end?  How did I meet the love of my life?  Did she follow me into the Men’s room? (Uh, no).   My son walked in and I was standing there mentally kicking myself for not taking advantage of the situation.  I told him to go sit with his sister and I’d be back inside shortly.  I screwed up the courage I had and walked outside.  She happened to be sitting there trying to figure something out on her phone (or was she?  Was she just waiting for me to come out because she knew in her heart that she just HAD to meet me?  Nah… I think she just didn’t know how to use her new phone…).  I walked up and asked if she was seeing anyone… no?  Oh, well, would you like to go to dinner with me sometime?  Sure, you say?  (Inside I’m doing a few backflips but I am playing it cool).  She explains that she just got this new phone and has no idea how to save my number.   The gallant geek to the rescue!  I took the offered phone and put my contact information into it… and the rest is now the beginning of our history.

Stay tuned for more!

Where does the blog go from here?

I’ve been writing about various things that have to do with online dating… what not to put in your profile, how to write a decent profile, what NOT to do on a first date… etc.  Well, now I find myself without any online dating accounts (I’ve closed them) and in a relationship with a really amazing woman.  Am I to blog about this relationship?  Oh, nay nay…  I don’t believe that the internet is a good method for airing my personal relationship triumphs or woes.  I have steered clear of ranting for the most part (okay, I get a bit preachy sometimes about my ex… but I think that was just part of my online therapy).  Now that I’m not looking at online profiles at all (and have no desire to), where does this blog go from here?

I could write about my cat.  Oooops, I haven’t had a cat for a few years, so no… that won’t do.  Most of the dating blogs I see go into waaaaaaay too much excruciating detail about their sex life.  This may be a great way to cull readers, but even the most brazen will tell you that it kills their relationship eventually.  No sane man or woman wants to date someone who posts all about every detail of their life.

So where do I go from here?  Perhaps I need some inspiration.  I could be that ‘pretty normal guy’ that people want to bounce questions off of.  You know… OMG, my man did what?  Would a normal human being do <insert thing here they wouldn’t or shouldn’t do>.  Perhaps I’ll give that a shot.   Perhaps someday I’ll be syndicated?  LOL…  I’ll be up there with Dear Abby… no, I doubt that seriously, but perhaps a ‘Kandid Keith’ type thing?  Maybe…

I’ll give that a shot… if you have a question you would like to bounce off a guy (a question… not a brick)… send me an email at:

Until then, dear reader… have a most fantastic of days!

Don’t forget to look in front of you…

I know I’ve been blogging now for a few months about online dating.  Never really my experiences with online dating (I think that is a great way to sabotage a relationship), but about things I am feeling or things I have seen that are just… well… silly.  This blog has been a good catharsis for me, and I hope that you too have learned something from the minuscule bits of wisdom I may drop in here from time to time.

So, the other day, I was dropping my kids off at their mom’s house and we just happened to stop in a Wendy’s for dinner (kids.. you know they only like junk food).  While I was there, a pretty blonde happened to be sitting at the next table over.  I made a few witty comments and flirted a little bit (uncharacteristic for me around my kids… I don’t use them as ‘tools’ to pick up women). As she left the restaurant, I asked if I could give her my number and if she wanted to go on a date sometime?  She said, ‘Sure thing!’.  Well, tonight was our first date and it was incredible.  Here I have been putting myself online for the whole area to see, meeting various women and finding some really uncool ones (mostly) in the process and I meet some lady at a Wendy’s.  Well, we’re going out again Friday night!  How amazing is that?

Now, I’ve been dating (well, I’ve only gone on 2 dates with any of them) three other women in the area and when I get home tonight, I have an email from one of them explaining that she just doesn’t feel that ‘spark’.  Now, part of my ego is a little deflated about that, but then again I’ve just come off a fantastic date, so I’m not going to feel too sad about any of it.  I actually found her honest very refreshing and am very glad she did let me know where she was at.  That is the whole ‘dark-side-of-dating’… letting others know how you feel.  I’ve been out with women that I thought were amazing, they said they had a great time and never hear from them again.  Why is it so hard for people just to come out and say that they just aren’t that into you?  At any rate.. I’m rambling now… I suppose the whole point of this is to look around you and keep your options open.  Had I not taken the chance to get a lady’s phone number at a fast food restaurant, then I never would have had an amazing date and wouldn’t be on cloud 9 right now… and this isn’t a girl I was looking for online… it was just a chance meeting.

What’s the moral of this story?  I suppose there are 2 morals… first, keep your eyes open, you never know where you might meet someone interesting and second… BE HONEST WITH PEOPLE.  If you really aren’t that into them, tell them for heaven’s sake, and be as specific as possible (but not rude… please… us guys have feelings too, we just don’t show them as often).

Take the time…

It is days like this when some people (like I did today), can just forget about the real reason for Memorial Day.  It is a day to take some time and reflect on the brave men and women who have given their lives… paid the ultimate sacrifice for our country.  Whether you agree with the politics that sent them into harms way or not is not the point.  Whether your political view lean left or right is not the point either.  Today is the day to honor our fallen friends and family that haven’t returned to us.

All that just makes me want to slap myself for the small, insignificant problems that show up from time to time in my life.  I have friends that haven’t returned and know friends who have had family members that didn’t make it back.

My hat is off to you brave folks today.  If you see a soldier, or a former soldier, tell them ‘Thank you’ for serving our country, I know I appreciate it when someone says it to me.

She *IS* really gone… and that’s okay

I recorded this a very long time ago (almost 20 years maybe?)… but it actually speaks to my mood today.  (And, no, it isn’t as good as Tim McGraw’s original)…  Do I want her back?  Ever?  Uh… hell no, but I am missing the community and sharing of marriage.  The difference is that they guy in this song is in total denial… still, it speaks to me today.

Can’t Really Be Gone


Things I miss about being married…

So, I’ve been divorced now for over two years… separated for almost three… unloved in a marriage for about five years… yet there are still parts of that crap that I really do miss.  So, what could that be?  Well, I miss the consitency of day to day life.  I had my kids in the same house and could pretty much plan on what was going to be happening for the day.  Now, though each day is an adventure that I choose to make, I rarely have any idea about what is going to happen on that day.  I guess you could say that in some ways I miss my rut.  Ah… no, not enough to ever go back there (even if it were possible).  But that’s not the thing I miss the most.  In dating, I have yet to find someone who is my equal that wants to be all head-over-heels about me, and me about them.  I’ve been head-over-heels about someone who didn’t feel quite the same way (and you don’t want your heels over your head when there isn’t a safety net!)… and I’ve had others head-over-heels over me, when I didn’t feel the same way (which just makes me feel bad for them and guilty… at the same time).  Most of all, I miss having that special connection with another human being.  I miss having a great day at work and being able to tell someone who gives a crap… someone who can help me celebrate the little victories in life.  I know… I know… it is just a matter of time and finding the right person.  Well, it sure seems to take long enough!

So, I do have a couple of prospects that have a ton of potential which is a good thing (finally!), but those prospects aren’t quite here yet.  I don’t get the feeling from any of them that they are absolutely nuts about me, but perhaps they are just slow-playing their hand… not committing to the pot in order not to get hurt too badly?  Then again, I may want them to read my blog someday (none of them do), which is yet another reason that I don’t go pining on about women in this blog, but perhaps that is more of what I need to do?  This is, after all, a place I go to vent/explore what the hell it is I think I’m doing in this life and generally… to figure stuff out!

I suppose that’s the bane of bloggers everywhere as well.  How much do I post about how I really feel just in case someone ever does go and read this blog that I’m romantically interested in?  Well, I guess that they would have a big window into my soul, eh?  They’d know how I feel about infatuation, online dating and crap they ought not put in their profile, but nothing too terribly deep.  The would know about my cheating ex-wife and how much that pissed me off, but that I also share some of the blame for our marriage falling apart (though not as much as her… or at least right now that’s my perspective).  But one thing they wouldn’t read is me pining away on the internet about unrequited love.

And that, I guess, is the rub of dating.  You haven’t committed to this one person!  You are looking around for people to connect with on a deeper level (at least I am).  If I was looking just to hop in the sack now and again with someone, it really isn’t that hard.  There are plenty of desperate women out there who are willing, it is just that kind of relationship leaves me empty on the inside.  Sure, the physical pleasure is really nice, but it seems to make the emotional hole in my life all that much larger.  I have seen plenty of blogs around where women are bashing men, where women are hopping into bed with 10 different guys depending on how many vowels are in the day, but that just isn’t me.  I am not wired to meet someone and just hop in bed, in fact I think that can destroy a good relationship before it has even begun.  It can take the focus off getting to know someone at a deep level and make it all about just sex.  While that might work for some, it just doesn’t fit the mold I’m cast from.

Yes, I’m willing to put the time in to get to know someone extraordinary before satisfying physical needs, in fact… I have found that being with someone who you are in love with is so much better than sleeping with someone just to get your rocks off.  So much so that it is my primary search.  I don’t want to just sleep around, I want to find someone that is significant.  Someone who is as significant to me as I am to them.

So… here’s to many more lonely nights in my quest.  I wouldn’t do it at all if I didn’t think the prize was worth the wait, because waiting just plain sucks!

Me, my neurotic self, and I

What is neurotic?  Well, here, it is stated: Disorders in which the symptoms are distressing to the individual and recognized by him or her as being unacceptable. Social relationships may be greatly affected but usually remain within acceptable limits. The disturbance is relatively enduring or recurrent without treatment.

So, what’s the deal?  What am I being all neurotic about?  I’d have to say that communication styles are killing me right now.  When meeting someone new for the first time, we all feel a certain sense of infatuation… normally, this is a cool and healthy reaction to a new person.  I have seen a trend in myself that is a bit disturbing.  If there isn’t communication of some type every other day, then I start to get antsy and wonder if this other person likes me, etc.  I think this is counterproductive, because I also absolutely hate it when people call me, text me 5 times a day.  That gets on towards a different type of communication… the kind that happens with you being tied up in their basement…

So, where is the happy medium in this?  I wish I knew!  Perhaps it is just because I’m bored in the interrum between dates?  I am getting out and doing more things now that it is spring.  Photography is becoming a new and interesting thing to do.  Golf is going well (and I’m shooting more 80s than not)… It is the blank spaces in between these activities and dates that is driving me buggy.

I know I DO NOT want to be the kind of person that is all neurotic as that is just NOT attractive (at least I don’t find it that way).  So, to do that, I play it very cool when meeting new people.  I tend not to email back immediately, but to wait sometime between 12 and 48 hours.  I also tend to send emails rather than texts (which I hate) or phone calls (as you have nothing more important to do except talk to me on the phone).  I also know about myself that if a few days go by without any communication, I get weirded out and my heart leaps at the sound of a new email.  Another thing is that time seems to be at a premium because my weekends are filled with my kids (every other weekend) and there is a situation where I’m ‘dating’ someone from out of town.  In this case, our schedules are completely messed up and I don’t think I’ll see her for 3 weeks or so.  This also drives me a little batty.  In some ways, I like the fact that she is out of town in that she can’t just ‘pop over’ whenever, but on the other hand, I like to actually SEE people I’m dating and this has been hard.  We have been on 2 dates in 7 weeks thus far because of issues where my ex needs to swap weekends, or mother’s day or that kind of thing.

Perhaps all this just boils down to the fact that I really miss having a decent relationship, someone to share stuff with and whatnot.  I am being picky about who I date in that I have a lot of things I’m looking for and I don’t want to settle.  Yes, yes, yes… I know… give it time.  That is the key and such, it is just really hard to wait and not to settle.  Ah, well… I guess I’ll do what we all do, and just muddle through the best I can.