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March 4, 2012

As Rod Stewart might say, you can’t eat, you can’t sleep, you can’t concentrate and you just plain can’t work.  We’ve all been there.  It is interesting, now that I’m dating again, this topic would cross my mind.  Webster’s defines infatuation as “to inspire with a foolish or extravagant love or admiration.”  So, you’ve met an awesome woman (or man…) and now when you go to bed at night they are the last thing you think of before nodding off and the first thing you think of in the morning.  What are you to do?

First, remember that unless you’re on your death bed, you have got time.  Enjoy the feeling of walking on clouds.  Have some fun with the light weight of the world which has fallen off your shoulders.  Life will intrude eventually and force your feet back to the turf.  Infatuation can, and sometimes does turn into that “L” word thing, but there is no need to rush there headlong, as fast as possible.  While this stage of any relationship is really fun, it is where really stupid mistakes can be made.  I’m going to put pixel to screen here and pen some of those mistakes I know I have made, and perhaps you, too, have made.

“Hi there… just thinking about you!”, you say… at 6:00 AM when you call her (or him) after a great date the night before.  Oh wait, they don’t need to be awake until 10:00, and their morning is now hosed.  Thanks a lot!  While they too may share the warm fuzzies for you, it is never really a sure thing early in a relationship to know when you can and cannot call.  Ground rules have yet to be established and you’re both trying to figure eachother out.  If they aren’t as smitten as you are, then heaven help you here, you’re likely to be speaking to a dial tone soon.  “Hi there, beautiful (handsome)”, you text for the 8th time today.  This is another instance of overcommunication.  I mean, honestly… think!

Oh my God!  They haven’t called or texted me in the last 24 hours!  My life is OVER!  Uh, well, perhaps not.  It could be that they aren’t so entranced by you as you might have hoped.  Or, they could be very much entranced by you, but they just had something blow up at work and cannot see past the sparking wires and dimmed lights just to give lil ole you a call.  Maybe they just don’t like the ‘impersonal nature’ of texting or phone calls?  Perhaps they are dreaming of their next steamy date with you?  Just because you have decided to make this person the most central thing in your life doesn’t mean they have… and they may have good reason to do this (hmmm, let’s see here.. kids, job, work, parents, illness or nuclear war could all be things that just *might* be in front of you on their plate).

If I could, I would send this to myself back in 1985 and make myself read it 1,000 times.  There are so many times that I’ve said or done the wrong thing just to get some kind of communication going with that other person.  What I really needed to hear was ‘slow down’, ‘relax’, ‘enjoy this’.  I really wish I had some parental figure around to tell me all of this in those hormone infested teenage years as well, though that didn’t happen.

Second, Infatuation is not love.  I learned this first hand not through any of my actions, but the actions of my ex-Step-Father.  He believed that unless that infatuation component was there, you had fallen out of love.  Perhaps it wasn’t that simple, but perhaps it was.  Unfortunately, I saw what his leaving and coming back time after time did to my Mom, who loved him.  She finally did wise up and change the locks, but not until she’d been burt so many times that she could have doubled for my first attempt at cookies (which set off not only the smoke detectors in my apartment, but the apartment upstairs from me as well).

The best ‘cure’ for infatuation is time.  Time will tell if she (or he) is the one.  It will tell if your red-hot passion you have today will still be there in a month, a year or a decade.  Ideally, you never really lose the infatuation component , but it becomes a bit less important.  You are able to work, concentrate, eat and sleep.  You do still think of them often, but not to the maddening distraction that blinds you to everything else.

All in all, infatuation is fun… let it play, but don’t let it pee on the couch.


From → Dating

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  1. Me, my neurotic self, and I « Keith's Korner

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