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Things I miss about being married…

May 28, 2012

So, I’ve been divorced now for over two years… separated for almost three… unloved in a marriage for about five years… yet there are still parts of that crap that I really do miss.  So, what could that be?  Well, I miss the consitency of day to day life.  I had my kids in the same house and could pretty much plan on what was going to be happening for the day.  Now, though each day is an adventure that I choose to make, I rarely have any idea about what is going to happen on that day.  I guess you could say that in some ways I miss my rut.  Ah… no, not enough to ever go back there (even if it were possible).  But that’s not the thing I miss the most.  In dating, I have yet to find someone who is my equal that wants to be all head-over-heels about me, and me about them.  I’ve been head-over-heels about someone who didn’t feel quite the same way (and you don’t want your heels over your head when there isn’t a safety net!)… and I’ve had others head-over-heels over me, when I didn’t feel the same way (which just makes me feel bad for them and guilty… at the same time).  Most of all, I miss having that special connection with another human being.  I miss having a great day at work and being able to tell someone who gives a crap… someone who can help me celebrate the little victories in life.  I know… I know… it is just a matter of time and finding the right person.  Well, it sure seems to take long enough!

So, I do have a couple of prospects that have a ton of potential which is a good thing (finally!), but those prospects aren’t quite here yet.  I don’t get the feeling from any of them that they are absolutely nuts about me, but perhaps they are just slow-playing their hand… not committing to the pot in order not to get hurt too badly?  Then again, I may want them to read my blog someday (none of them do), which is yet another reason that I don’t go pining on about women in this blog, but perhaps that is more of what I need to do?  This is, after all, a place I go to vent/explore what the hell it is I think I’m doing in this life and generally… to figure stuff out!

I suppose that’s the bane of bloggers everywhere as well.  How much do I post about how I really feel just in case someone ever does go and read this blog that I’m romantically interested in?  Well, I guess that they would have a big window into my soul, eh?  They’d know how I feel about infatuation, online dating and crap they ought not put in their profile, but nothing too terribly deep.  The would know about my cheating ex-wife and how much that pissed me off, but that I also share some of the blame for our marriage falling apart (though not as much as her… or at least right now that’s my perspective).  But one thing they wouldn’t read is me pining away on the internet about unrequited love.

And that, I guess, is the rub of dating.  You haven’t committed to this one person!  You are looking around for people to connect with on a deeper level (at least I am).  If I was looking just to hop in the sack now and again with someone, it really isn’t that hard.  There are plenty of desperate women out there who are willing, it is just that kind of relationship leaves me empty on the inside.  Sure, the physical pleasure is really nice, but it seems to make the emotional hole in my life all that much larger.  I have seen plenty of blogs around where women are bashing men, where women are hopping into bed with 10 different guys depending on how many vowels are in the day, but that just isn’t me.  I am not wired to meet someone and just hop in bed, in fact I think that can destroy a good relationship before it has even begun.  It can take the focus off getting to know someone at a deep level and make it all about just sex.  While that might work for some, it just doesn’t fit the mold I’m cast from.

Yes, I’m willing to put the time in to get to know someone extraordinary before satisfying physical needs, in fact… I have found that being with someone who you are in love with is so much better than sleeping with someone just to get your rocks off.  So much so that it is my primary search.  I don’t want to just sleep around, I want to find someone that is significant.  Someone who is as significant to me as I am to them.

So… here’s to many more lonely nights in my quest.  I wouldn’t do it at all if I didn’t think the prize was worth the wait, because waiting just plain sucks!


From → Dating

  1. Mz. Bambi permalink

    Reblogged this on Realyfe 101 and commented:
    Follow this great man…I woke up with crust in my eyes just to get online and reblog this post Keith!! You read my heart to the exact beat…after being married, it is hard to go back to just “dating,” when you’ve experienced life as a whole.

  2. Kim permalink

    Yeah, well I miss some things…but mostly just what we used to do as a family despite the dysfunction of the marriage and the poor example being shown to the kids of what a healthy nurturing relationship should be. As far as dating…I was sooo not ready and ended up hurting people and myself in the relationships. I am STILL happier on my worst day and have never felt regret for leaving, even after 21 years but have to realize that it takes time to heal, get to know me again (scary) and THEN have a relationship for the RIGHT reasons with the RIGHT person. Poor decisions have made me realize this and I was still making those up until today. No more!! Thanks for letting me post Keith…

    • Yes, I totally understand the dysfunctional family thing! Thanks for reading, Kim!

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